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20140226
20140306
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COM 22
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English 22
Search Results 0 to 21 of about 22 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Feb 25, 2014 6:59pm PST
with a performance by darlene love. transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. amour best pizza yet,out the all-new hand tossed. well we hear you america and to return the love we're bringing back our 10 any pizza deal. for a limited timeet,out that's any pizza,tossed. any crust, any toppings even specialties for 10 bucks! pizza hut. make it great. excuse me miss but i'm going to have to take a closer look... ...at those fancy jeans. (makes bleeping noises) woman: uhh... connie: your jeans they fit so good! woman: i got them at old navy, nineteen bucks! connie: larry! these jeans are only nineteen bu
Comedy Central
Feb 26, 2014 9:30am PST
... connie: your jeans they fit so good! woman: i got them at old navy, nineteen bucks! connie: larry! these jeans are only nineteen bucks at old navy! (crowd gasps) larry: those jeans are only 19 dollars?! woman: and kids jeans are twelve dollars! connie: woaaaw! (music starts) larry: connie wait!! >> here to perform a song off her new album "st. vincent," later, st. vipsent. ( cheers and applause ). ♪ get back, to your seat get back, mashing teeth ♪ i won't bother your mind people turn the tv on, it looks ♪ just like a window people turn the tv on, it looks ♪ just like a window digital witnesses ♪ what's the point of even sleeping? ♪ if i can't show it, you can't see me ♪ what's the point of doing anything? ♪ this is no time for confessing i won't bother your mind ♪ people turn the tv on, it looks just like a window ♪ people turn the tv on, it looks just like a window ♪ people turn the tv on, it looks just like a window ♪ digital witnesses what's the point of even ♪ sleeping if i can't show it, you can't ♪ see me watch me jump right off the ♪ london bri
Comedy Central
Feb 27, 2014 9:00am PST
so good! woman: i got them at old navy, nineteen bucks! connie: larry! these jeans are only nineteen bucks at old navy! (crowd gasps) larry: those jeans are only 19 dollars?! woman: and kids jeans are twelve dollars! connie: woaaaw! (music starts) larry: connie wait!! yo,move fast fruit flavor,fe, watermelon, blue razz green apple. your taste buds dancing. it's the jolly rancher, we make it happen. untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher. [run your entire business with all-new intuitit.ickbooks. get paid however you want with it. get real work done wherever with it. make all your numbers play nicely with it. say "buh-bye" to the old way with it. run payroll with your finger with it. scan receipts with it. sync this stuff with that stuff and that stuff, with it. maintain your sanity with it. this is your business on the all-new quickbooks. run with it. hey, buddy? oh, hey, flo. you want to see something cool? snapshot, from progressive. my insurance company told me not to talk to people like you. you always do what they tell you? no... try it, and see what your good driving can save you.
Comedy Central
Feb 28, 2014 9:30am PST
, everybody. we'll be right back. transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. it's not for colds, it's not for pain, it's just for sleep. because sleep is a beautiful thing™. ♪ zzzquil. the non-habit forming sleep aid from the makers of nyquil®. [ laughs ] [ smooch ] [ male announcer ] kiss the rainbow! taste the rainbow! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] sometimes the little things last the longest. give extra. get extra. [poof!] [beep] [clicks mouse] nice office. how you doing? good. automatic discounts the moment you sign up. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: that's the report,
Comedy Central
Mar 3, 2014 7:30pm PST
money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. what is focus? it's a wondrous sensation of clarity and alertness... it's owning your opponent... it's knowing beyond a doubt "you got this"... it's keeping your head down, your eye on the ball, and knocking it out of the park... it's getting in the zone... it's keeping on your toes... on target... on top... focus is staring the world in the face and saying "bring it"... focus is power... focus is life... and 5-hour energy is focus. [cheers and applause] >> jon: my guest font is an actor. his new film is called "non-stop." >> go, go, go! >> get the gun!
Comedy Central
Mar 3, 2014 11:00pm PST
with nothing due at signing. transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. turn to bud light platinum, the next generation of smooth. brewed with top-shelf ingredients for a bold, slightly sweet finish. ♪ yeah you always make me go... ♪ [ male announcer ] turn up your night, and make it platinum. friends are like family, so who's gonna be in yours? let's get a sound guy and some roadies. [ male announcer ] but the more people you add, the lower the rate. how 'bout sketchy jeff? he gets billed separately, right? [ male announcer ] get up to 10 separate bills and everyone gets unlimited talk, t
Comedy Central
Mar 4, 2014 1:01am PST
finish for spirited nights. transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. in the applebee's fan zone... from the kung fu master. to...the stranger hugger. because every kind of fan loves 1 app and 2 entrees for 20 bucks. the 2 for $20 menu from applebee's. see you tomorrow. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. , as you know, the -- what do you call there, the cnn news network. they've been struggling a little bit of late to find their voice. they -- sorry. they canceled their international show. they moved ashleigh banfield from 11:00 to 12:00. they sent two reporters to the same
Comedy Central
Feb 26, 2014 9:00am PST
: your jeans they fit so good! woman: i got them at old navy, nineteen bucks! connie: larry! these jeans are only nineteen bucks at old navy! (crowd gasps) larry: those jeans are only 19 dollars?! woman: and kids jeans are twelve dollars! connie: woaaaw! (music starts) larry: connie wait!! [cheers and applause] jorchg ladies and. >> jon: ladies and gentlemen, i'm so excited. it's time once again to check in on our neighbors to the south. no not -- [laughter] we're not doing a story on the 51st food market, not our literal neighbors to the south. they do have a terrific turkey sandwich. my point is this, thank you. mexico. [ laughter ] after more than a decade a brutal war with massive drug cartels has been a defining fact of life and last weekend a break. >> the capture of one of most wanted criminals on the planet who headed the most powerful drug operation in the world. mexican drug lord joaquin guzman known as el chapo has been captured ending a 13-year long manhunt. >> jon: el chapo got el popped-o. it translated to either a short stout person or corn porridge. [laughter] which kind
Comedy Central
Feb 26, 2014 1:01am PST
with a serious case of healthy. transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] sometimes the little things last the longest. give extra. get extra. like carpools... polly wants to know if we can pick her up. yeah, we can make room. yeah. [ male announcer ] ...office space. yes, we're loving this communal seating. oh, it's great. yeah. [ male announcer ] the best thing to share? a data plan. ♪ new at&t mobile share value plans for business. our best value plans ever. for example, you can get 10 gigs of data to share. and 5 lines would be $175 a month. plus you can
Comedy Central
Feb 26, 2014 6:59pm PST
. untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher. transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. [ crunch ] ♪ get low now! ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! [ siren chirps ] [ crunch ] ♪ put your back in it [ wolf howls ] whoo! ♪ [ tires screech ] [ crunch ] ♪ aaaaah! ♪ [ tires screech ] ♪ (voseeker of the sublime.ro. you can separate runway ridiculousness... from fashion that flies off the shelves. and you...rent from national. because only national lets you choose any car in the aisle... and go. and only national is ranked highest in car rental customer satisfaction by j.d. power. (natalie) ooooh, i like
Comedy Central
Feb 27, 2014 6:59pm PST
back. transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. >> stephen: my guest tonight just won a gold medal in ice dancing. i wonder how they get the ice out of the ballroom. please welcome meryl davis and charlie white! (cheers and applause) thank you so much meryl, charlie, good to see you. oh my goodness,! what a thrill what a thrill to you have guys here. hardly need any introduction at all but i will give the people a little bit of your cv. not only did you just win, but you skated together since 1997. you won four grand prix final championships, five u.s. championships and now a gold med
Comedy Central
Mar 3, 2014 9:30am PST
his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. >> ladies and gentlemen, darlene love. snoited ♪ the way you walk down the street ♪ ♪ the way shuffles his feet ♪ ♪ when he goes walking by ♪ he's my guy ♪ hold my head down ♪ he's not just one of the-- ♪ ♪ does the things he never does ♪ ♪ ♪ he's a rebel and he'll never, ever be any good ♪ ♪ he's a rebel ♪ because he never does what he should ♪ ♪ just because he didn't do what everybody else does ♪ ♪ that's no reason why ♪ i can't give you all my love ♪ ♪ he's always good to me ♪ always treats me tenderly ♪
Comedy Central
Mar 3, 2014 6:59pm PST
's early termination fees transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. [prof. burke] at farmers,we make you smarter [bell rings] about your insurance,because what you don't know n hurt you. what if you didn't know that home insurance can keep your stuff covered,even when it's not at home? or that collisions with wildlife on the road may not be covered. and what if you didn't know that you could be liable for any accidents on your property? the more you know,the better you can plan for what's ahead. talk to farmers and get smarter about your insurance. ♪ we are farmers bum - pa - dum, bum -
Comedy Central
Mar 4, 2014 9:30am PST
before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. the recent increase in cafeteria prices is not cool. when you vote for flo, we'll have discounts. ice-cream discounts. multi-cookie discounts. pizza loyalty discounts! [ kids chanting "flo!" ] i also have some great ideas on car insurance. [ silence ] finding you discounts since back in the day. call or click today. i like her. >> my guest tonight as a writer for the-- called the dark-- might be breaking out my paddle, please welcome cate caitlin flanagan. good to see you again. thanks for coming. oh, thank you for coming back. >> thanks for having me back. >> now as i sa
Comedy Central
Mar 5, 2014 9:00am PST
"... focus is power... focus is life... and 5-hour energy is focus. transferred money from his before larry instantly bank of america savings account to his merrill edge retirement account. before he opened his first hot chocolate stand calling winter an "underserved season". and before he quit his friend's leaf-raking business for "not offering a 401k." larry knew the importance of preparing for retirement. that's why when the time came he counted on merrill edge to streamline his investing and help him plan for the road ahead. that's the power of streamlined connections. that's merrill edge and bank of america. >> jon: welcome back to the program. you know, it's been brought to my attention many times. the great martin luther king, jr., once said the road to equality is a difficult hard road. many bathroom breaks and hopefully a stop for snacks. look it up, did he say that. [ laughter ] -- he did say that. is our trip finally coming to an end? jessica williams filed this report. >> when president obama was elected and then reelected, one thing became perfectly clear. >> the truth is that
Comedy Central
Feb 25, 2014 7:30pm PST
with tariffs. for more are we joined by larry wilmore. thank you for joining us. so what about this idea that lincoln should have just waited because slavery would have eventually died of natural caves? >> -- causes? >> jon, the south was so committed to slavery lincoln didn't die of natural caves. [ laughter ] -- natural causes. >> jon: that's a good line. yeah. >> it's true. >> jon: if the tree market was just about to end it then why is it still going on 150 years later. q. slave trade is the exact opposite of free market. >> jon: this isn't just the judge's opinion there's articles, books, some by libertarians, confederate apologists it's an industry, a school of thought. >> did they teach history at this school? [laughter] because their facts are all (bleep) up, jon. [ laughter ] these people think lincoln started the civil war because the north was ready to kill to end slavery when the truth was the south was ready to die to keep slavery. you are welcome libertarians i just un(bleep) your facts. >> jon: that is kind of you. i'll enjoy the e-mails thanking you for that that i will r
Comedy Central
Feb 28, 2014 6:59pm PST
rewinding it. the way i see it, it's the next guy's problem. oh, larry. she thinks i'm crazy. mm-hmm. but would a crazy person save 15% on car insurance in just 15 minutes? [ chuckles ] [ male announcer ] 15 minutes for a quote is crazy. with esurance, 7½ minutes could save you on car insurance. welcome to the modern world. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. to my ongoing coverage of black history month. of course, a sad and repulsive chapter of black history is the ku klux klan. last year, i told you how klansmen were arrested for offering to sell jewish groups a workable death ray. well, recently, thanks to my longstanding google news alert for "klan death ray," i learned there was an update. >> an upstate man has just pled guilty to helping build a deadly x-ray machine that uses radiation to kill people. >> authorities say they were tipped off to the portable x-ray device after crawford approached local jewish groups because he wanted their help in killing muslims. >> stephen: yes, justice was done. they
Search Results 0 to 21 of about 22 (some duplicates have been removed)